Did you folks see the world exclusive image from Shane Black’s The Predator in Empire? Unfortunately, it spoils the whole movie. You can reverse engineer the entire story from that single image.

You’ve got a shirtless, sans-mask Predator in a scientific lab, body slamming a dude in tactical gear with one arm.

First off, the guy getting body slammed — we don’t know his name, but let’s call him Mark. Mark has a fresh haircut, which means he likely got it cut before his shift in the scientific lab. Who was he trying to impress? We know Olivia Munn is in the movie, so I’d guess he is trying to impress her. He has a secret crush on her and wants to ask her out, possibly to a movie, even though I don’t think that is a good first date option, but that is neither here nor there. Ergo, Olivia Munn is also employed at the scientific lab, likely as a lunch lady. So Mark’s plan is to ask her out at lunch. It’s all painfully obvious, and it kind of kills my excitement for the film, to be honest.

Anyway, the guy from Key and Peele is also in the movie, likely as a janitor. That’s why the lab is so clean in the picture. Let’s call him Bob. Bob and Olivia have a co-worker relationship and jokingly refer to each other as their work spouse. There is mutual attraction, but Bob is afraid to ask Olivia to a movie because he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. He doesn’t have any friends because of a tragic backstory. He once killed his best friend in janitor college during a particularly grueling Broom-Off. Nevertheless, Bob is jealous of Mark making a move on Olivia. It makes him realize he needs to get over himself and make his work spouse his real spouse.

Meanwhile, the Predator is in the lab because they are testing performance-enhancing drugs on him. That is why the Predator is shirtless. He is admiring his gainz. That is also why he is holding something that looks like a vial in his free hand. He was in the process of juicing up when an altercation with Mark happened that led to the one-armed body slam. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Mark asks Olivia to a movie. She notices Bob is watching out of the corner of his eye, so Olivia says “yes” to make Bob jealous. She also has feelings for Bob and wishes he would make a move, but he doesn’t. Oh sure, she tries to tell herself that Mark is a good prospect, and she needs to get married before her mother labels her a spinster, but at the bottom of her acceptance was the desire to motivate Bob to pursue her. This tactic works. Bob realizes he has to win Olivia’s heart, but how? Mark has it all going on: a new haircut, tactical gear and he was probably in a fraternity in security guard college, as well. Meanwhile, Bob doesn’t even have hair, he only has coveralls, and his other shameful secret is that he doesn’t even have his janitor degree. He left college after accidentally killing his best friend. He only got the job at the scientific lab because his uncle was the electrical contractor, plus he has rudimentary skills in forgery and made a fake diploma.

So there is some witty banter and awkward humor as Mark thinks everything is on track with Olivia (plus, all the stuff that happened in the trailer, which concerns subplots with other coworkers). Meanwhile, Olivia is trying to use Mark to motivate Bob, and Bob is trying to overcome his hangups. My favorite part is when the three of them are playing cribbage and Bob accuses Mark of cheating. This eventually leads to the big climax…Mark challenges Bob to a Broom-off! That’s right! Even though Mark is not a janitor, he is willing to give it a go, and Bob is terrified of the prospect since he accidentally killed his best friend in a broom-off. He does some soul searching.

While Bob is soul searching, Mark knows he needs an edge, so he goes to the Predator for some performance-enhancing drugs. And this leads us to the image. The Predator is roid-raging and the request from Mark really sets him off. He body slams Mark (with one arm). The two have a tearful confrontation where Mark begs the Predator to get help. The Predator reluctantly agrees and goes into therapy. Mark then takes the vial of performance-enhancing drugs and injects himself. This buffs him up considerably.

We reach the great Broom-Off. Olivia watches from the sidelines as Mark and Bob face off. Bob is getting clobbered because he doesn’t have performance-enhancing drugs, plus the whole mental problem thing from accidentally killing his best friend in college in a Broom-Off. Mark gains the upper hand and is going for the coupe de grace when Olivia cries, “No!”

Mark has a moment of clarity in his performance-enhancing drug haze and realizes that he has become a monster in his pursuit of Olivia and that she really loves Bob anyway. He throws his broom down and leaves the arena. Olivia rushes to Bob’s side. They embrace and kiss. The music comes up. They will be together forever. As an added bonus, Olivia has dreams of being a sous chef, which was mentioned earlier, but she doesn’t believe in herself. “You just need some confidence,” Bob says and pulls a sous chef diploma out of his pocket, which he forged with his rudimentary forging skills. Olivia then has the confidence she needs to pursue her dream.

Meanwhile, The Predator, back from his therapy, is there for Mark as he exits the arena.

“How do you live with yourself?” Mark asks the Predator.

“How do you live with yourself?” the Predator responds with his clicky mimicry.

“You’re right,” Mark nods, stoic, and goes off to face an unknown future.

The Predator chuckles to himself, amused by the comedy we call life.

Fade out…

Sorry to spoil the film for you guys, but it’s Empires fault. That was pretty cheap of them to release that image. I’m really mad.