I’m continuing my experiments with examining the opening paragraph of famous books. It is actually teaching me a lot about my own writing, which gives me ideas of things to do differently.

This time I am looking at the opening paragraph of Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird:

When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. When it healed, and Jem’s fears of never being able to play football were assuaged, he was seldom self-conscious about his injury. His left arm was somewhat shorter than his right; when he stood or walked, the back of his hand was at right angles to his body, his thumb parallel to his thigh. He couldn’t have cared less, so long as he could pass and punt. (83 words)

Here is how I would have written that passage:

My brother, Jem, broke his elbow when he was twelve. After it healed (and his fears of never playing football again were assuaged), the injury seldom made him self-conscious, even though his left arm hung shorter than his right and the back of his hand was at an odd angle to his body, thumb parallel to his thigh. Jem didn’t care, so long as he could pass and punt. (69 words)

My writing tends to be less folksy and more direct. I’m trying to decide if that is something I need to change. Speaking of changes, I made the changes I did because I seem to be predisposed to notice redundancies. Like “got his arm badly broken at the elbow…” Why not just say he “broke his elbow?” Is “nearly thirteen” important or is “twelve” good enough? (Maybe there is some sort of on-the-cusp-of-adulthood thing going on.) Do we need to know the broken arm was shorter when he “stood and walked?” Isn’t that self-evident if one arm is shorter than the other? One probably wouldn’t notice that if he was sitting down. Also, too much “right” and “left” stuff going on, and I pulled out some passive voice. All of that is probably defensible, but does it sing?

That is the question I’m trying to answer as I search for the right balance between voice and eliminating words that slow the story down. That is why this exercise is useful. To Kill A Mockingbird has proven itself to be a classic. What can I learn from Lee’s writing?

Not sure…probably that voice lends a lyrical quality to writing. It’s maybe the difference between a speech and singing. Speeches can be effective, but would one rather want to listen to a speech for three hours or singing for three hours?