I had a thought (this is such a rare and wondrous thing that I take note when it happens). Within this series of articles, I’ve been looking at famous novel openings and looking at how I would have written them to learn more about my writing. I’ve learned I’m more direct than lyrical and succinct rather than flowery. But what if I did the reverse? What if I took the opening to a famous novel and instead of making it more succinct, I made it more flowery? This would teach me things by doing something different. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take the opening to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (I think I read it once on a bus trip just to say I read something by Austen) and make it more lyrical rather than succinct. What lessons will be learned? Let’s find out…

Original:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of someone or other of their daughters. (69 words)

My version:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, from maiden to gent, old maid to old man, cradle to grave, that a single man in possession of a good fortune and spare time must be in want of a wife. For what is the use of too much if it is not shared to become just enough?

However, little known the feelings or views of such a man maybe on his first entering of a neighborhood — he may not be in want of anything more than a meal and a nap, in either order —the above truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, who watch his approach from their windows with all of the attention of well-intentioned hawks, that he is considered the rightful property of someone or other of their daughters…or perhaps their prey. (139 words)

That was kind of fun. I got to indulge myself a bit more rather than just deliver the facts. Now I will try to produce something that is a balance between the two:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune and spare time must be in want of a wife. For what is the use of too much if it is not shared to become just enough?

However, little known the feelings or views of such a man maybe on entering a new neighborhood — he may not be in want of anything more than a meal and a nap, in either order —the above truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of their daughters…or perhaps their prey. (105 words)

I think I prefer my fully embellished version more than a combination of the two. It is a case of go big or go home, I guess. But, yeah, it’s all about finding the right voice that is a balance between too much and too little. I may be getting to the stage of overthinking now, but I don’t mind overthinking on experiments. That’s what these experiments are for a the end of the day.