What if a US aircraft carrier from 1980 went back in time to 1941 and had a chance to defeat the Japanese Pearl Harbor attack force with modern weaponry, Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen?

This is a common question to ponder across many demographics and nationalities, right up there with why is the sky blue and why do birds appear when you are near, suddenly? Fortunately, we don’t have to wonder about this subject anymore because The Final Countdown — the movie, not the song — answers the above question for us.

I have not seen The Final Countdown in decades. I remember it occasionally ran on TV back in the day, and I saw it, perhaps, twice. Basically, you got your aircraft carrier out on the ocean. Kirk Douglas is the captain. Martin Sheen is some sort of civilian who is along for the ride so he can grade everyone’s performance, I think. The aircraft carrier then encounters a trippy blue laser storm, which I enjoyed. It was low-tech effective. If this was a modern movie, the blue laser storm would have been epic to the point of overload. The trippy blue laser storm then sends the aircraft carrier back in time. Kirk Douglas and company eventually figure out that they are in 1941 and have a chance to stop the Japanese from attacking Pearl Harbor with F-14 Tomcats and such. The film is competently handled director-wise. The scenes of planes taking off and landing on the aircraft carrier, along with seeing some of the inner workings of said aircraft carrier, are sufficiently interesting. The great Soon-Tek Oh (RIP), go-to-Asian guy in the 1980s, also makes an appearance in the movie, as do Katherine Ross and Charles Durning.

The only real problem with the movie is that it promises more than it delivers. This realization came back to me as I watched the movie again. It created the same feeling it created in me all those decades ago — deflation. It teases us with the possibility of F-14s blasting armadas of Zeros out of the air with 20mm cannons and air-to-air missiles and then, perhaps, wiping out the Japanese fleet, as well.

Instead, the jets go into the wild blue yonder to do just that, and then they turn around and don’t do that, electing to go back through the reappearing blue laser storm to their own time instead.

Man, they were right there! They were ready to engage! The Zero armada was in sight!

But, nope…

And I suppose it makes sense. Such a battle in them thar days probably would have been a budget killer. Plus, it opens the story up far too wide. If they stop Pearl Harbor at the end of the movie, the real story is just beginning. They have just altered history on a grand scale. It is pretty difficult to go there (although I suppose having them do that, return to their own time and then encounter a Planet of the Apes-type ending would work). Yet, the viewer feels cheated that they didn’t really go anywhere. Nothing really happened at the end of the day. The aircraft carrier when back in time…and then came back again. All we really get is that one guy got left behind and then showed up at the end of the movie as an old man.

So, this begs the question, how could it have been done differently, without killing the budget but still leaving the viewer feeling like they saw something that gave them their money’s worth?

Tough question, but let’s imagine Hollywood is giving us $1 million to figure it out. Okay…how about the modern jets do shoot down the Zeros. Kirk Douglas and crew then realize that have messed with the space time continuum in a horrible way and then make their own planes attack Pearl Harbor to fix things. That is a pretty dangerous story-telling route to take, though. Suddenly, the movie stops being a breezy what-if and becomes a pretty somber affair.

How about this? Kirk Douglas acquires the Infinity Gauntlet and…

No, that won’t work. It has to be realistic. Okay…maybe we have to move the conflict away from the aircraft carrier vs. the Japanese fleet and make it all among the characters. Let’s say Kirk Douglas really wants to attack and Martin Sheen really doesn’t want to attack because of what it will do to history. Factions break out among the men. Mutiny happens. Instead of promising an epic battle that never happens, the story shifts to stopping the battle before it is too late. Then we don’t want the battle to happen because the space time continuum will be destroyed.

Heck, let’s flip it. I don’t like it when the military guy is always portrayed as the bad guy. Kirk Douglas is a WWII historian and knows you shouldn’t mess with history. He doesn’t want to attack. Martin Sheen pulls some sort of secret government rank or has some megalomania going on. “We can be masters of the world with our super duper aircraft carrier!” So then Kirk Douglas is racing around trying to stop Sheen. Meanwhile, he maybe teams up with captured Soon-Tek Oh because he realizes he has to help the Japanese for the greater good. It would take a total rewrite, but, hey, we get a $1 million.

Still need a nice punch at the end, though. Martin Sheen gets left behind somehow. Actually, he wants to stay behind and use his knowledge for personal gain, so he rigs the aircraft carrier to blow up. Sheen then abandons ship for Pearl Harbor. But Kirk Douglas stops it and gets the ship back to the blue laser storm to return to modern times.

Sheen shows up when the aircraft carrier returns…as president or something because of his knowledge of history. “Haha!” he says. “I won! I am even on Mount Rushmore!”

“That’s what you think,” Kirk Douglas says. Once the aircraft carrier returns the original timeline is restored because everything is back in place again. Martin Sheen’s timeline never happened then. They all look confused at one another and then go their separate ways, no one remembering that anything even happened. Movie ends with Kirk Douglas filling out his captain’s log.

“Exercise uneventful…”

Yeah, it needs some work, but the framework is there. Don’t think about it too much. Listen to a song instead…

Do-do-do-do-dododododo…