I seem to be on a made-for-TV horror movie kick. It started with The Intruder Within. I then decided to view another movie that has stuck with me for even more than 34 years — Midnight Offerings from 1981. I remember ma, pa and I visiting a neighbor that night, and when we got home it was on.

Midnight Offerings concerns two teenage witches battling it out for the class quarterback. I had remembered the premise slightly wrong. I thought it was about two sister witches. Upon review I was happy to see a family connection in the movie, after all. One of the witches had a mother who also dabbled in witching, so my memory wasn’t super off. The other thing that stuck out to me was when one of the witches moves a canoe with her mind (that’s telekinesis, Kyle). I dimly remembered that scene, very dimly. The rest of the movie was a new experience again.

Readers can follow the link above to learn all about the stars and trivia of Midnight Offerings. What am I, a reporter (impossible, as I can occasionally practice objectivity)? I’m strictly going to concentrate on the experience that is Midnight Offerings (although one fun fact — I saw a girl who looked like Vanna White in the movie; turns out, the girl looked like Vanna White because she was Vanna White).

Midnight Offerings is pretty solid. It moves at a better pace than The Intruder Within. I found myself interested in what was happening. The characters came off as mostly genuine. The bad witch was a competent villain. We didn’t get any backstory to make her more relateable (like she became a witch because she was bullied or something). She was simply a nasty person (she’s not even nice to her mom) who you want to see get her comeuppance.

The good witch was fairly milquetoast (such a great word that makes me want milk and cinnamon toast), but she didn’t annoy me. She was the typical new girl in school. She had a dad. She could move canoes with her brain and dodge falling lumber skillfully.

The one who tied the movie together was the quarterback guy. He was so earnest that he could whine every single one of his lines, and you still didn’t want to punch him. I don’t know how to explain this strange charisma. It’s like at some point in the character’s childhood, as he looked into the abyss of a flushed toilet that was about to give him his 57th swirly, he said, you know what, I’m not going to fight it any longer. I am going to harness the power of my sensitivity and reroute it into my masculinity. And it somehow worked in a peculiar and wondrous way.

Meanwhile, there’s some high school stuff happening. Cheerleaders make an appearance (do cheerleaders ever not make an appearance in a high school movie?). Teachers look suitably authoritarian. In one scene, the bad witch doesn’t even use her powers to defeat a teacher. She defeats the teacher simply by being a nasty person. That was a nice touch. The movie also takes us into a wood shop, which is another nice touch. Sure, the scene is not an action extravaganza to modern viewers, but in a made-for-TV movie from the distant yesteryear of 1981 when moviemaking was not yet auto-tuned, it did the job. A mentor witch shows up to pad runtime. Characters fall in hay, which gives them no choice but to kiss. I also liked the inclusion of a bonfire at the end. That was clever writing, a seamless melding of high school ritual with old-school witch stuff. And the ending, while truncated, had a pretty serious punch for a made-for-TV movie.

What did I learn about storytelling from Midnight Offerings? The KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) Principle is often a good principle to keep in mind. The story didn’t break new ground and was obviously influenced by Carrie, but it stayed in its lane, got to where it was going and took us along for the ride (it even let us go to the bathroom when needed and didn’t say “no” if we wanted to stop and eat). The actions of the characters made sense. Pretty much everything made sense.

I wouldn’t say I had a great time with Midnight Offerings, but I had a nice time. It’s fun to see how people did such stories back then. I suppose if Midnight Offerings were made today, it would be more self-aware and hip rather than matter-of-fact. The witches probably would have pointed wands at each other while lightning flashed between them and they grimaced like they were arm wrestling. The bad witch might be more of a victim, as in she opened the door to the dark side and now she can’t control herself, instead of just being a rotten person. Would they still be allowed to fight over a boy or would that be considered sexist? That’s a tough one. If it wasn’t a boy, then there’d maybe be some sort of prophecy or bauble to fight over. In that case, the witches would probably have to be tied together in the past somehow. Could they resist throwing in a religious person to harass the good witch? I think that would be a tough challenge for them. I suppose they’d probably remove the Satan references, as well, and stick with “dark” side and “light” side stuff. The two witches also would have been borderline supermodels instead of a pair of girl-next-door types.

I prefer the simplicity of the original. It was nice to see a clock try to sneak attack a person rather than see people shooting some sort of force at each other while grimacing yet again, ala Harry Potter…and Star Wars…and Lord of the Rings…and comic book movies…and…